It’s been almost 3 years now, Avneesh hardly looks at me with love like he used too; it seems the roses are dead sometimes it feels empty vessel merely with Chinese paintings of roses sculptured on it. It was warm and nice before back in Bombay but now things have changed here in New York, He hardly touches me; Morning goes in just cereal breakfast and warm coffee which turned cold and monotonously grey to be precise. The spaces we have between our bodies on bed slowly expanded as time passed sometimes it’s just me tossing and turning gasping for love and a happy married life. Marriage a beautiful bonding between two strangers, indeed I wished to marry my college crush Roshan back then but some wish just remains wish. Avneesh and me were perfect before, I still can vividly recall our first meet. He was a real gentleman with a pleasant calm nature, on our first day of marriage he was kind enough to give enough time for me to settle myself emotionally and mentally. We would usually go for movies and dates, and for honeymoon we chased our feet’s down to Corsica. It was magic back there those charming evenings beside the blue sea and the wine Aveensh poured in my glass got more and more of intoxicating till we reached the climax of midnight mourns. There was a point where I actually was happy in every sense with him, A corporate office manager, a loving husband, romantic by midnight, a caring mother in law and Bombay; I was actually doing better in my married life then my best friend Neha, often when Neha and me would talk over the phone she would end up complaining about her husband being abusive at times. Now her number seems like a stranger on my phonebook. Does time changes people so much? I wouldn’t say that he is cheating on me, because we took our promises and now both of us can’t even think of cheating right? And that’s what marriage stands for not breaking our vows?
My nights would usually go in exploring New York City, now after 2 months of what I have been doing it, my soul has lost its magic touch. Bottles of wine get over thinking of my beloved husband’s return. Recently things have gone worst. We have started quarrelling even over misplacing the car keys, or arrangement of the bed sheets. I stopped praying to God and instead of burning “Diya” I have started lighting cigarettes. So God tell me is it wrong? Or this is Karma punishing me for preserving my virginity for just the man I was meant to marry. Music seems pain to my ears and I have lost the taste of my tongue on every delicious food I swipe, true money can’t buy happiness. One day I had decided to confront him and find at least a minimal reason for every second drags me to become the woman I was never meant to be. He dealt with real maturity Silence was his answer with a sentence which state “It is part of marriage, deal with it, because I am”. Tell me what’s pride for me in becoming a woman now? Sometimes watching sensual movies over Netflix would urge me the need of a man, the intensity would sometimes grow more intense resulting in craving for just a body rather than a heart within it. I Miss Avneesh’s touch his gentle fingers lingering on my skin teasing me like a toy while he looked me in my eyes demanding every bit of me to be won by him, those beautiful nights when he would caress me into his arm and kiss me softly on my forehead saying he loves me. Will I ever go through the same emotion again? Just like ice and fire gliding down my skin aching and making me desire more of the pain which felt more like pleasure. Will Tanya Archarya ever again feel pleasure with love or there’s just pleasure now with pain?